Working in the therapy and coaching world for the last 11 years, the #1 complaint I’ve heard from Men is that they want to feel more confident.
It seems that most Men go about trying to achieve this externally. If I can get the house, the job, the hot wife, the car, the 6 pack, the degree, and the admiration from others, then I will feel more confident.
However, these things are totally unrelated to confidence.
Confidence is an emotion. It comes from an ability to “be with” ones experience.
Confidence is neutral. Positive or negative does not matter. Confidence is finding peace with whatever is happening. Not to be confused with “whatever, shit happens.” That’s passivity.
Building confidence comes from leaning into emotional discomfort, over and over, until it’s familiar. This is not to be confused with just being uncomfortable because that is life. Confidence comes from intention.
Confidence is wise, kind, and open because it has nothing to defend.
Confidence is a “way” and not a destination.
"I'm either better or worse than you."
"Tony Robbins is better than me."
"A homeless guy is worse than me."
"My neighbor has a badass truck that is better than my car."
"This guy I know has way more money than me and so he must be more intelligent."
"I need to be more outgoing, I need to buy a new truck, and I need to build wealth in order to move up the chain."
This is the narrative. I wasn't born with it. The world taught me this way of thinking. As an adult, it's my responsibility to look into this and grow my understanding. If I can't have compassion for my own "better/ worse than" thinking, I will continue to project this narrative onto others.
I will put you on a pedestal or I will put you below me and I will stay absorbed in "self" aggrandizing . My patterns will reinforce this because I will put myself in situations where this appears to be true.
Work Hard = Good person and rewards
Don't Work = Lazy person and bad things
It's not true.
It's a story built from a mindset of fear and scarcity. Look in the mirror. All the projections are from you and about you. The comparison is an illusion.