There’s nothing inherently “wrong” with being in a relationship where you both live fairly separate lives and don’t talk about your deepest desires, feelings, and fears.
Perhaps you reserve that space for close friends…assuming that your partner won’t really understand.
Or maybe you haven’t had much experience with deep personal work, and so there isn’t a reference point for what consciousness in relationship would look or feel like.
Or, it could be possible, that while you think you are living a fully examined life, your relationship is filled with stress and/or distance.
What we’ve found is that those who create powerful growth and change in their relationship life have two things going for them:
1) You must be willing to acknowledge that your relationship life is not perfect, and yet you are willing to take 100% responsibility for what you create.
2) You take real action to improve your awareness, knowledge, and connection.
This assessment is designed to give you a clear picture of where you are in your relationship life and to challenge you to look at areas that you may be neglecting.
The only way this works is if you are honest with yourself.
* If you’re in a relationship, it’s helpful to invite your partner to take the assessment as well and to compare scores.
For each question, score yourself from 1-4
1 = “I have no idea how to do this”
2 = “I sometimes do this”
3 = “I do this pretty well”
4 = “I’m an expert at this”
1. I am able to access how I am feeling in the moment and tell my partner without being sarcastic, condescending, or hiding.
2. I am involved in deep personal work where I am held accountable and challenged by a person or group.
3. I am able to have conversations with my partner about my desires for work, money, family, community, and health.
4. I understand how my childhood has impacted me and how I show up in relationships.
5. I have a practice in which I am able to slow down, connect to my body, and/or gain insight.
6. I am able to clearly see how I have struggled with relationships in the past and I can be upfront about this with my partner.
7. When my partner is upset, I have healthy strategies and tools with which I am able to support them.
8. When I’m upset, I have a healthy process to soothe myself without falling into addictive patterns or distractions.
9. I am definitely on the path to creating a life that honors who we are and what we want to do.
10. I have a solid understanding about how relationships work (psychological, relational, body, sex, etc.)
😁 36 - 40 – You are a Relationship Master, and may find joy in helping others.
😃 31 - 35 – You were modeled conscious relationships at a young age, and/or you and your partner have probably done a ton of work together. Way to go!
🙂 26 - 30 – You are someone is who is newer to this work, or there are still a few things that aren’t clicking. But…you probably feel really good about where your relationship is right now.
🤨 21 - 25 – You may be a couple who is lucky enough to be compatible and you’re noticing that there is a whole new level to your relationship then you had originally thought.
🙁 16 - 20 – Hey, you’re able to do some of this stuff, some of the time. If you scored yourself here, you probably want to look at getting some support to jump start your relationship.
😔 11 - 15 – Ouch. If you scored yourself here then you are probably very stressed in your personal and relationship life. It’s time to do something about it.
😢10 – You are either at the end of your rope with your partnership or you have managed to avoid learning anything about relationships. Either way, you 100% need some help.