#1 Relationship Coach in Utah
ICF and TRS Certified Coach
I've spent the last 16 years working for mental health programs and coaching Men on how to show up in their relationships. I was introduced to the mental health field after completing a 60-day wilderness therapy program in 2007. I've now been sober for 18 years, and this is what allows me to have the life I have today. After working with 100's of minds over the years (including my own) and completing many years of training, I have learned what it takes to initiate meaningful change in life. Most of my greatest achievements have been the honest and difficult conversations I've had with family, friends, and my wife. These relationships are what have taught me the most about myself. Sometimes, I'm insanely focused and serious about my work. Other times, I'm silly and laid back. I love traveling, hiking, hanging out with friends, connecting with my wife, and I've gotten pretty good at pickleball. My style of coaching tends to be pragmatic and direct while also blending in the art of "slowing the fuck down." On my own, I typically work with just men, and I coach couples with my wife. Some of my direct mentors include Ellen Boeder, Terry Real, Tej Steiner, and Jayson Gaddis.
Fun Fact:
We are one of the only married couples who coach couples together... in the world!
That's what we do.
Come see why people turn to us for marriage support.
We know what we're doing and we are here to help.
50% off first 2:2 Coaching Session"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
- Rumi
The Process for Couples Work
Every couple has their own unique patterns that play out during times of stress. This is a mix of attachment style reactions, a lack of education/skillfulness, unrepaired ruptures, and current stresses. Once we figure out your pattern, it's very predictable. When he/she brings something that feels like criticism, you defend. When you defend, he/she gets more upset. When you try to suppress or "fix" their feelings, they feel more unheard and get more upset. When they get more upset, you blow up or shut down. Eventually, you both shut down and remain disconnected. Simple, right? Once you understand your pattern, I can help you implement fast and effective interventions to get both of you back on track. You don't have to stay stuck in unhealthy patterns with no way out.
Here is the general process...
Step 1
Gather Information about both partners
(past trauma, relationship history, current complaints, underlying beliefs, betrayals)
Step 2
Assess for any Power Imbalances and Emotional Abuse
(threats, angry outbursts, neglect, hiding, lying, manipulation)
Step 3
Identify the Relational Pattern
(Losing Strategies, communication errors, difficult topics, blind spots, coping mechanisms)
Step 4
Get Clear on Desire
(validation, vulnerability, intimacy, compassion, listening, family focus, willingness)
Step 5
Develop New Relational Plan
(Interventions, Relational Skills, Boundaries, Education)
Step 6
Accountability and Practice
Set aside time for homework and bring in questions for the next session.
Step 7
Repeat until the Relational Patterns are changed
(3-6 months)
What is Relationship Coaching?
Coaching is faster and more direct than therapy. I don't work with people who aren't ready or emotionally capable. We want to figure out exactly where you are struggling and give you new skills, mindsets, and goals to move forward. No BS. That "work" may look like facing feelings you haven't wanted to sit with, confronting conversations you've been afraid to have, understanding your losing strategies, or empowering you to look at your situation differently. We do this while holding compassion and empathy. It's an equal balance of challenge and support. You will see and feel the difference immediately.
What does my marriage look like?
This is probably the most important question of all, right? Jenny and I have been together since 2015 and we married in 2018. We both came to our relationship as very independent people who knew what we wanted out of a partner. Initially, this caused some friction as we had trouble turning the "I" into a "We." Within 6 months of dating, we were in weekly therapy, reading books together, attending relationship training, and we continued to get A TON of support through each step in our relationship. Being in a committed relationship where you are sharing a home, navigating finances, combining family, and dealing with all the complexity of life requires a ton of work. We doubled down for each other and built the trust that we were going to show up, no matter how scary it felt. Presently, I feel more secure than I've ever felt in myself and my marriage. I love being an emotionally available husband! I credit myself, Jenny, our families, and our many mentors for what we have been able to accomplish. Our core philosophy is that everything can be talked about, and we will do whatever it takes until we both feel good about it. There are no taboos and no major sacrifices. We stay with it as a team.
