Why do we give our Power away?

 If you’re anything like me, you may have noticed that you often give your Power away and then regret it later. 
This could look like signing up to do something you don’t want to do, trying to be “low maintenance”, not speaking your Truth, or a long list of other self-sacrificing behaviors.  We are often told that this is the “right” thing to do and that we will be rewarded for it. 

However, it sucks when are assumptions are not realized.  Others don’t always reciprocate, we overload our plate with commitments, and we forget to take care of ourselves.

I think we can distill this down to one core benefit that we all yearn for.  Security.

If we give to others, hopefully they won’t leave us.  If we trust and praise a movement or organization, we get to be part of a community.  If we don’t make our own decisions, we don’t have to be responsible for the outcome. 

Security gives us a felt sense of safety and get to relax.  Without security, we may feel like we are floating, alone, or we may feel immense fear and panic. 

The irony is that if we give our power away too much, it has the opposite effect.  We start to feel untrusting, unsafe, neglected, unappreciated, etc.

We can’t get rid of our need for safety and we don’t want to give so much power away that we feel burnt out or resentful so, what do we do?

The first thing we need to do is bring our pattern into our awareness.  We have to voice our reality.

“I give my power away because I want others to like me.”

Or

“I give me power away so that others won’t leave me.”

Or

“I give me power away to prove that I am worthy.”

Next, we have to try to stand in a place of non-judgment to this.

“It’s okay that I sometimes give my power away.”

“It makes sense that I give me power away, sometimes.”

“Even when I give my power away, I am still a strong and capable human being.”

Notice how speaking this ALSO gives you a sense of safety and allows you to relax.

You get to be in your Power by creating this sense of security within yourself.

You don’t have to look outside of yourself to attain it.

This is what taking your Power back feels like.

From here, you may begin to see a path forward.  It may be as simple as saying no to someone, taking a break from work, or handing off a commitment that doesn’t feel good.

It’s one small step forward.

If a feeling of guilt, shame, or fear arises, you can work with that, too.

“It’s okay that I feel guilty.  I’ve been attaching my value as a person to my generosity for years.”

“Even when I say no, I’m still a good person.”

“It makes sense that this is difficult because I really care about how people view me.”

Ahhhh…. Relax.
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This is the journey and you are right where you are supposed to be.