What if we knew how to be completely honest about our motives, feelings, and behaviors?
Jenny and I often practice trying to own exactly what’s happening for us and it’s incredible how vulnerable, yet freeing, it can feel. I’ve come to find that honesty is not so black and white. Sometimes, I’m literally believing my own BS and I am unable to step out of blame, delusion, or defensiveness.
We also help clients do this and it’s amazing how the strategies to avoid ownership come bubbling to the surface. There’s no need to beat ourselves up. We all do it and we probably always will, on some level. However, when we shine the spotlight of awareness on our true nature, the drama, discomfort, and fear tend to slowly dissipate over time. In fact, what begins to arise are feelings of compassion, love, and humor for our shared world and experience.
Here are some examples of what honest communication might sound like:
“Hey honey, I’m feeling extremely tired from work so I’m going to eat as much food as I can and sit in front of the TV for the rest of the night so I can avoid feeling the fear that I feel trapped in this unfulfilling job.”
“Will you please stop leaving your dishes out? I woke up with anxiety about money, business, and our relationship and I am avoiding feeling it. I’m hoping that you get defensive so that we can play out our drama and I will have more evidence that you are the problem.”
“What’s up? Do you want to make fun of the opposite gender and talk about how immature and stupid they are? I’m feeling insecure in my ability to form a real partnership and putting others down temporarily helps me avoid owning that.”
“I’m feeling afraid of you so I’m going to walk on eggshells and not tell you, so that I can avoid conflict. Later on, I’ll try to pretend that I ever felt that way.”
“Is it cool if I pretend that I see a future with you, even though I just want to hang out with you occasionally and have sex?”
“Hey FB friends! I’m posting something my ex did without acknowledging their side of the story. I’m hoping that you will co-sign my BS and tell me that I’m right so that I won’t have to take responsibility for my feelings, my decisions, and my fear of doing inner-work.”
“Hey sweetheart, I’m going to keep the fact that I watch porn from you so that I don’t have to deal with your feelings around it or confront my own compulsion. In my head, I will create a story that it doesn’t affect anyone, everyone does it, and I need to watch it in order to get my sexual desires met.”
“Who wants dessert?! I’m trying to ramp up the excitement for sugar and normalize the fact that many of us are overweight. While we are eating, we can talk about how we usually eat healthy so that we feel better about our choice.”
Any of these sound familiar?
To be fair, I picked up most of these from my own life so, the joke’s on me!
Have a good laugh, but also take some time to question and contemplate.
What is really happening?
What am I really feeling?
Where am I avoiding taking responsibility?
The Truth will set you free…