The Pew Research Center reports that roughly 27% of Millennials have used a dating app at some point. I think that’s a conservative number, but still, that’s millions of people. What used to be looked at as desperation now looks more like a fairly normal way to meet someone. In fact, nowadays, approaching an unknown person that you find attractive requires some serious tact and consideration. It’s easy to come across as “creepy”, and it can be ultra-embarrassing to make an exit when they say they’re not interested or they’re spoken for. All these perils have led to a dramatic increase in online dating. Of course, it makes sense. Why use up your time wandering around looking for a someone who may be interested in a partner when you can download an app in 30 seconds and connect with thousands of single people all at once?
So, what’s the problem? The problem is that people, as a whole, are not good in relationships. You’ve heard the stats: 50% of marriages end in divorce--blah blah blah. And how many of those people are truly happy? Who knows? But the reality is that if you want to find a good partner, you’re going to have to do some serious filtering, thinking and dating. Otherwise, you will just be caught up in the melee of meaningless hook-ups, codependency and drama. Here is how to make a tinder profile that works:
What does “works” mean?
This is not the step guide to getting laid. If that’s what you want, I suggest putting up some shirtless pics, a profile that reads “not looking for anything serious” and having your first date at the bar. You’re welcome. If that isn’t what you want, read on. The “works” I’m talking about is the “works” where you are showing up as yourself, connecting on a deeper level, having fun and feeling truly fulfilled. This is the real “works”, not the “works” that guys talk about in the locker room or as they’re getting ready to go out on a Saturday night. We limit our talks to sex when we don’t know how to talk about what we really want or how we’re feeling. It’s a cultural thing and it’s hard to see through. The relationship that “works” doesn’t leave you feeling guilty, bored, crazy or hopeless because…. it’s the real deal.
Decide what you want
A study published by the Washington Post stated that men are 15 times more likely to swipe right, but three times less likely to message someone they match with. What are you doing guys?! Do you really think that liking everyone in a 100-mile radius and then expecting them to contact you is going to work? Even if it did work, you would have to devote your entire life to responding to Tinder messages. This strategy would suggest that you have no idea what you’re looking for. Who do you really want in your life? Is it okay that she has a child? Does she need to have a steady job? Logistics are a real factor. Is it going to work that they live 45 minutes away? Age is a good determiner of maturity and life experience. Would it be best to narrow it down to an 8-year spread instead of 30? Put some pen to paper and think before you jump into this online dating thing.
Writing your profile
Sure, it may seem pointless to put effort into writing a good profile because you are forced to describe yourself in 500 characters, and pictures are what you’re judge on anyway. Right? That’s partially true. Of course, people will swipe you away based on your pictures, but that’s life. However, for the people that show interest in you, this is your chance to stand apart from the rest of the herd. Some people spend their whole profile writing about what they don’t’ want. They say things like “not looking for any drama” or “no crazies”, as if that should set them apart from all the people that are looking for drama and crazies. To put it simply, those profiles come across as basic, boring and negative. Another mistake people make is portraying a lack of confidence. If you’ve got “my friends finally convinced me to make a Tinder account” on your profile, I’m picturing some lonely and despondent laggard who hasn’t left their house in a month and who’s friends have intervened to attempt to get them to connect to the outside world. Be honest. You’re on Tinder because you want to find a partner. Also, write more than a sentence. You don’t have much to work with, so you might as well use the space you have to write something meaningful, funny or interesting about yourself. And above all, be you. People love that shit.
This can feel overwhelming and scary for some people, so here’s a few tips:
Number One--Smile. You don’t have to look badass all the time. It allows for a better connection and it makes you look like a person who they would want to be around.
Number Two--No selfies in the mirror. I know you have at least a few pictures of you doing something or a friend who can snap a photo. Taking a picture of yourself in the bathroom is just not a good look.
Number Three--Don’t take your shirt off. This is debatable, but I stand by it after talking with many people about their Tinder preferences. You may have a killer six-pack or impeccable arms, but people tend to like a little more modesty. They will still appreciate your “jacked” physique at home or at the pool, but do your best not use your bod for first impressions.
Number Four--Use a recent picture. You don’t want to show up to meet someone unrecognizable, just the same as she doesn’t. Retire the old college photo from 10 years go.
Create a filter
This has more to do with how you meet people, but it can start with the profile. Tell your future suitors how you would like the dating process to happen. It’s a fact that some people are not really interested in following through. This will help weed out the ones who are confused about what they want or who are just looking for a little attention. It may be as simple as a disclaimer that reads “I’m not interested in texting much. I would like to get to know someone over coffee.” And then, stick by it. Do your best to set up a time within the next week that works for both of you and if it doesn’t work, move on. They’re either too busy or not serious enough to set aside time for a relationship right now. Duh! Use your common sense. Now get out there and meet some real people!