In my work as a relationship coach, I’m continually hearing Men talk about their partners as self-proclaimed Empath’s. They typically say something like, “So, my wife is an Empath. Do you know what that is?” I give a little sigh and nod my head because I already know what they’re going to say next.
“Yeah, so it’s like she feels what other people are feeling and she gets overwhelmed by emotions and it’s really frustrating because she’s always feeling things.”
So, although I have my own skepticism about one’s ability to literally feel what someone else is feeling, I wanted to tackle this head on because, whether it’s true or not, most Men can use a little guidance in how to deal with a partner that experiences strong emotions.
Chill out, bro! No, not her. You! Look at what happens to you when you see her in her strong emotions. Your blood pressure goes through the roof and you either run away or fight. The reason this happens is because you do not have enough capacity for your emotions. Your job is to be with your own emotional experience here. Do you feel angry, frustrated, or confused? Great! Sit with that. Stop running away, defending, stonewalling, and becoming passive-aggressive. This is all about you! Once you learn how to be with your emotions, you won’t feel so threatened by hers and you’ll be able to handle the situation like an adult.
Use her sensitivity for YOUR benefit. Women that are highly empathic, emotional, and affectionate may be difficult for you AND they have an abundance of information that you can glean. If you’re the type of Man that is emotionally constipated, then there is a good chance that she is going to sense when something is up for you. That charge you feel in your body when you get asked, “What’s wrong?” is the feeling of something coming to the surface that was already there. She didn’t create it by asking you a question. So, you have 2 choices. Blame her for being the way she is or get curious and use it as a chance to look inside yourself and learn something new.
Stop judging yourself. The next step, if you aren’t already there, is usually a realization that you’ve been emotionally shut down for most of your life. You stuffed your sensitivity at an early age because of how you were conditioned to be and now you often don’t know what you feel or why. That’s okay. The more you can accept your “way of being” the more that you will be able to accept her way. Neither are wrong and you will probably never feel things the way she does. You get to keep all your logical expertise, your stoicism, and your Manhood. The true test of a warrior is how he handles the things he fears the most.