**#1 You Want to Be Single
That’s right. You may not even know that you want to be single, but you do. Think about it. When you’re single, all you have to worry about is you. It’s awesome!
There’s no one to consult when you go out to eat, you can do all kinds of weird stuff at home that nobody knows about, and you don’t have to give anyone else a minute of your time.
The benefits are all there to be realized and taken advantage of. The problem is you go to your friend’s birthday party and you end up sitting at the end because you’re the only single person or you happen to scroll over that annoying couples Christmas profile picture that reads “Thankful for Us” and you begin to wonder, “How come I’m not an Us?”
To answer your question, you’re single because today, the benefits outweigh the cost of being in a relationship.
**#2 You’re Not Ready
This is where people often get stuck and this isn’t black and white. There is a whole spectrum of Readiness, so it’s probably better to say that you’re not ready (enough).
Not being ready doesn’t mean that your dumb, unlovable, weird, or oblivious. It just means that you either A. aren’t crystal clear on what you want or B. you aren’t emotionally ready to allow a partner into your life.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. It can take years of trial and error to truly find out what you value in a person and what you want in a relationship or you may be really involved in personal work and there isn’t space for anyone else right now.
There are plenty of good reasons why you may not be ready to be in a relationship and there is nothing wrong with you because you are single. You may have your life together way more than other people that just jumped into something because they didn’t want to be alone.
**#3 You Don’t Know your Blind Spots
If you’re having trouble identifying if you have any blind spots, that’s okay. That’s why they’re called blind spots.
Once you find them, well…you get the point.
There’s no need to feel ashamed because everyone has blind spots. Our brain is always trying to convince us that we are right or justified in everything we do and it does a really good job of protecting our identity by glossing over lies that we tell ourselves or unhealthy behaviors that we participate in.
Maybe, you are way more opinionated than you realize and you’re generally repelling all your potential partners away from you. Or, maybe your insecurity about being alone comes rushing in the minute you become exclusive and it’s only a matter of time before your partner loses it and breaks it off with you because they think you’re too needy.
There is a myriad of reasons why you may have these areas of struggle, but the point remains the same. You need to find a way to figure some of these out because they may be the biggest barrier to getting the love you want.
Therapy, coaching, and learning are the 3 fastest ways to get a grip on how you operate and discover what you can do to draw in that special person.
**#4 You Aren’t Trying The "Right" Way
This isn’t suggesting that you don’t spend enough time trying to find someone.
You may have tried every dating app out there and you may be spectacular at getting people to go out with you.
Trying the “right way” means that you go all in on pushing your real edge...yourself.
If you are single and you aren’t involved in deep personal work AND relationship learning then it won’t matter how hard you try. You may find a partner, but you still don’t know what you don’t know.
It’s just a fact. Relationships and our development within relationships is an extremely complex matter and there is new and better information coming out each day. If you’re not learning about yourself and relationships then you’re going to keep struggling.