As you think back on your life, where did you learn how to do relationship? Or, a better question may be, did ANYONE every teach you how to do relationships?
For most of us, we basically watched our parents and then did our best to figure it out on our own as teenagers. At that point, the majority of advice we received was from our teenage friends. Fast forward and we grew into adults. We learned how to cook for ourselves, hold down jobs, raise kids, buy a house, and drive a car, but we still never learned anything about relationships.
There are essentially two places to end up if you don't know how to create a secure attachment with your partner that has both support and challenge. The first is that you get really good at avoiding conflict by stuffing your feelings, using distractions, and staying busy. The second is that you habitually bicker, fight, and compete against each other. Sometimes, there is a mix of both.
For the Fighters, there is usually so much blame towards the other person and shame towards oneself that the couple has an extremely hard time getting to the point where they are both willing to give an inch and receive any help. All the problems fester in the dark and people turn towards friends to "vent" and complain.
For the Conflict Avoidant, they may be so entrenched in denial that they may have a tough time recognizing the dissonance in themselves. However, they may start to manifest things like anxiety, depression, and chronic illness.
So, what do you do if you are in one of these places? Do you just....try harder? That's what you need to do, right? That's what you're supposed to do. And, if you can't do it, you just aren't cut out to have an awesome relationship.
You need to learn and practice. No one ever sat with you and walked you through how to connect with another human being on a deeper level or explained how to work through conflict. It makes sense that so many people believe that there relationship life is as good as it's ever going to get because they've never seen anyone do relationship in this NEW WAY.
This NEW WAY is called Conscious Partnership.
In Conscious Partnership, you're a team. You know how to create win-win's with each other. You understand how to do Conflict. You aren't stressed out all the time. You have amazing sex. You help each other create the type of life that has you feeling excited. You get to enjoy your life more!
Books and podcasts are great resources, but the real work comes when you get into the arena and really practice. To do that, you need to work with a therapist/coach or go to a seminar. You can't get this type of exposure from just reading or listening.
So, what can Relationship Coaching help?
- Emotional/ Physical Affairs
- Loss of Intimacy and Emotional Connection
- Team Parenting
- Creating New Relationship Agreements
- Improving your Sex Life
- Learning Productive Conflict
- Creating Safety and Fun in the Relationship