As you think back on your life, where did you learn how to do relationship? Or, a better question may be, did ANYONE every teach you how to do relationships?
For most of us, we watched our parents and then did our best to figure it out on our own with the help of our friends. Fast forward and we grew into adults. We learned how to cook for ourselves, hold down jobs, raise kids, buy a house, and drive a car, but we still never learned anything about how adult relationships work.
There are essentially two places to end up if you don't know how to create a secure attachment with your partner. The first is that you get really good at avoiding conflict by avoiding difficult conversations, staying busy, and sweeping things under the rug. The second is that you habitually bicker, fight, and compete against each other. Sometimes, there is a mix of both.
For the Fighters, there is usually so much blame towards the other person and shame towards oneself that the couple has an extremely hard time being honest about how much they are struggling. All the problems fester in the dark, partners start to distance from each other, and resentment begins to build.
For the Avoiders, they may be so entrenched in denial that they may have a tough time recognizing the dissonance in themselves. However, they may start to manifest things like anxiety, depression, lackluster sex life, and chronic illness. I call this "Roommate Syndrome". You get along but, the romance is gone.
So, what do you do if you are in one of these places? Do you just....try harder? That's what you need to do, right? That's what you're supposed to do. And, if you can't do it, you just aren't cut out to have an awesome relationship.
You need to learn and practice. No one ever sat with you and walked you through how to connect with another human being on a deeper level or explained how to work through conflict. It makes sense that so many people believe that there relationship life is as good as it's ever going to get because they've never seen anyone do relationship in this NEW WAY.
This NEW WAY is called Conscious Partnership.
In Conscious Partnership, you're a team. You know how to create win-win's with each other. You understand how to do Conflict. You aren't stressed out all the time. You often have the experience that your partner really "gets you". You help each other create the type of life that has you feeling excited. You have energy to go out and enjoy your life more!
Books and podcasts are great resources, but the real work comes when you get into the arena and really practice. To get better at relationships fast, you need real time, in the moment, guidance to break out of your old patterns and develop new ways of relating. There are no shortcuts to doing this work.
What can Relationship Coaching help?
- Emotional/ Physical Affairs
- Loss of Intimacy and Emotional Connection
- Team Parenting
- Creating New Relationship Agreements
- Improving your Sex Life
- Learning Productive Conflict
- Creating Safety and Fun in the Relationship