How I Work
One of the most common responses I get when I tell someone that I'm a Relationship Coach is, "Wow, you must get tired of hearing about other people's relationship problems all day." They often seem surprised when I go on to tell them that this is one of my favorite things to do. The reason why this doesn't make sense to some folks is because I don't see these relationship issues as problems. I see the issues that people bring to me as powerful threads of our shared humanity.
For much of my life, I thought I may be having a different experience than other people. What I mean is that I felt ultra sensitive and I didn't know why. I felt super nervous when my name would get called in class and I felt extremely self-conscious when I began to feel attracted to girls at school. I felt humiliated when a bully continued to push me down at recess and I did everything in my power to pretend that all these things didn't affect me.
I got so good at pretending that things didn't effect me that I became a well-known, well-liked, well-accomplished athlete who dated attractive women, partied, and got into my fair share of fights.
That all came crashing down when I found myself in a drug rehabilitation facility while in college. Without the bravado, the substances, and the relationships to keep me feeling good about myself, I fell apart. I cried...a lot. I felt all the things that I had spent years hiding away.
That was 12 years ago.
In the last 10 years, I've worked for multiple drug treatment centers, completed several coaching programs, married the love of my life (Jenny), repaired the relationship with my parents, traveled around the world, joined a Men's Group, coached 100's of people and done more hours of personal work than anyone I know.
What does this all mean?
It mean's I know what I'm talking about from a professional standpoint.....and a personal one.
I know what works and I can tell you exactly how it works and why it works.
The way that I coach involves two different paths
The first is the nuts and bolts. This includes the tools, exercises, skills, philosophy, mindset, psychology, and accountability.
The second is that art of attuning to people while I'm with them. I mean...really seeing them. What's it like to be in relationship with this person, right now? What am I seeing that they're not? What is at the core of this issue? What are they running from? What do they really want?
The art and structure combine to create a co-creative process that can go many different directions.
I've helped people recommit to each other after years living as roommates. I've helped people work through enormous differences in belief. I've helped people clarify exactly what they need in a future partner. I've helped couples who constantly argue learn how to attune to each other and navigate conflict in a way that brings them closer together. I've helped married couples through infidelity.
And the list goes on...
I believe that so much of the suffering we feel in life can be resolved through creating safe, reliable, and secure relationships with the people we love. When we feel safe to be ourselves, a new world opens up to us. We are able to manifest our desires and we are able to create a life that feels fulfilling, connected, fun, and free.
That's how it has worked for me.